Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Top 5 Most Unintentionally Creepy Product Mascots

Here is the list everyone has been waiting for:

The Top 5 Most Unintentionally Creepy Product Mascots

5. Mr. Clean

The man synonymous with shiny surfaces has always seemed better suited to be a bouncer at a very shady gay bar. I don't know what's creepier, the earring, or the white eyebrows. Either way, I don't want Mr. Clean anywhere near my family.

4. Snuggles

Cute and cuddly fabric softener mascot? Or vicious man-eater that lurks in your laundry basket, waiting for the right moment to devour your flesh? Just because he softly giggles while adorably rolling around in your fresh linens doesn't take away the fact that he is a goddamn bear, and he likes the taste of human bone.

3. California Raisins

If there is one thing that should not have a face and sing Motown-style songs, it would be dried up grapes.

2. Ronald McDonald and Friends

He is one of the most recognizable and popular figures in the world, so why can't Ronald hang out with anyone cooler than a junkie that steals food from innocent children and a weird purple blob thing? Maybe it's because he's a terrifying clown, and no one wants to hang out with terrifying clowns. Not only does Ronald McDonald contribute to the dangerous obesity epidemic that plagues this country, but he also contributes to the scary clown dream epidemic that plagues me every night when I go to sleep.

1. Burt (from Burt's Bees)

One would naturally assume the person who should be an expert on soft, healthy lips would be a slightly deranged old man who looks like he hasn't left his deserted lighthouse in 30 years. I have no idea who Burt is or why he was chosen to be the face on natural lip balm, but he makes me very uncomfortable.

1 comment:

  1. I find the current version of The Burger King creepier than Ronald, but maybe not all of his friends.

    I think I'd definitely need to include Chester Cheetah on my list. Creepy and manipulative. A used car man level sleaze ball.